chant_1 (chant_1) wrote,

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We have reached cruising altitude

So, since my last post, I've quit trying to revise and just sent it out into the world finished revisions on the WIP and sent it on to my beta readers, and that was an awesome feeling; that feeling that "this is now good enough that I won't die in shame should other human eyes see it."

Because, of course, I could work on it from now 'til the neverafter and it still wouldn't be just perfect. There'd always be something else to change, wouldn't there? And at some point, there are just absolutely no shreds of objectivity larger than their molecular structures to be found, so you have to go "that's it! I've done all I can - off with you now."

Have not heard from my readers but it hasn't been that long, and besides, I'm doing NaNo - and KazNo! - so I won't be able to do more than look longingly (or fearfully) at the files anyway.

NaNo, which I've never done before, has turned out to be actually pretty fun! I am, it seems, a results-oriented worker. I do better when I have a goal to shoot for, and so much the better when there are elements of competition and little graphic word-count bars to spur me on.

I had one day where I wrote a minimum of words in the morning,feeling a bit blocked, and intended to do the brunt of the writing that evening. Instead, I was bludgeoned into unconsciousness by sleep. I woke the next morning in a panic, thinking, "I've failed, already - less than one week in!" I opened the document fearfully, thinking that I was blocked and would be unable to write, and found to my delight that I figured a way out of it.

Part of my anxiety about hopping on the NaNo wagon was my first novel, which I finished during a novel-in-90 session here on LJ. It was long, and arduous, and I worked very hard on it. Afterwards, during revision, I found that it was hopelessly broken. I still find pieces of it lying around here and there, under the carpet, behind the sofa cushions. I felt like, at the time, and probably still, by pushing myself to write when I wasn't ready, I forced it into an unnatural shape that ended up breaking it. So I've been afraid to do anything like that since.

But that was...I don't know. Several years ago. And I've been writing ever since, and feeling like I've been improving. This story is new to me, and like all my others, completely un-outlined, but I feel like the spontaneity of it combined with the pressure of the one month deadline might be OK for me now. I've reached the point where if I get stuck on something, I can skip it and come back, or even sort of mull it over for a while, and come up with something satisfactory. So nothing feels forced, or like a band-aid that won't hold up later. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it goes this way for the rest of the month. Of course, with only 13K+ words, I'm only about a quarter of the way there, and who knows what might happen? But even though I don't have an outline, per se, I have a vague idea of the shape of the final thing, of where it needs to go and how it's going to get there, and I am hoping that that, along with a little more experience, will make a difference.

In other news, I entered my first 5K race over the weekend, and came in second in my age group - and what a great feeling that was! I don't plan on getting all race-happy now, because I do it more because I like how I feel when I've done it, I like the companionship of running with friends, and I feel like it makes me a happier, more balanced, and ultimately healthier person. But...well, I did mention that competitive thing up there, right? There's that. And the competitive side of me likes to win, even if it's only every now and again. And before anyone says anything, I'm counting 2nd place as a win, especially since first place went to my good friend and running partner!!

We are nearing the end of my girls' soccer season, so after two more weekends, my sentence tenure as a coach will be commuted and I will have much more free time on my hands. For like, the first hour. You know how nature hates a vacuum.

And, of course, we are rushing headlong into holiday season, so there will be no lack of busy-ness here, but I just wanted to pop by and say hi, let you in on what's going on in my life, and say I hope everything is fine where you are! I try to look in on my LJ friends every few days, but you are all so prolific that I often can't get to all the updates, and when I can, I don't always comment. But I'm here, quietly, toiling away and wishing you well!
Tags: beta readers, kazno, ketchup, nano, wip, writing

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